SEMA Skin: The Valentine’s Day Edition

It’s February 14, and the tips of Cupid’s arrows are glistening with droplets of love sauce. Unfortunately, his quiver doesn’t have enough missiles d’amour to go around. If you find yourself dining alone on a tear-soaked Salisbury steak Hungry Man, enjoy these exotic girls as your dessert. Unlike that snooty receptionist, Malory, these ladies of SEMA won’t spit out their yogurt in disgust when you ask if she’d like to go out for poutine. Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Not Hot Girls (V.8)

Wow. Last week was pretty lame, eh? I mean, Monty Python and mixed martial arts references. We really know how to put the “No!” in “Non sequitur” here at The Auto Junkyard. Luckily, we also know how to put the “Rite” in “Contrite,” so we’re getting back into our usual ceremony of pairing hot booth babes from the 2010 SEMA show with the automobiles they were paid to feign interest in. So mote it be.

Scion oCtopus xD

The inspiration for this vicious paintjob came from the forearm tattoos of every failed hipster keyboardist living in Silverlake.

Silver Shell oCtopussies

Don’t lean in too close, homie. Their hair is actually tentacles that’ll grab you by the jugular and pull you into their ferocious beaks—no ponzu sauce needed!

Scrumptious picture of Japanese food by VirtualErn from Japanese restaurant Sushi and Sake at Drunken Fish, Miyozen, and Koryo Japanese Dining in Emeryville, California (Flickr: Miyozen – Dinner) [CC-BY-2.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons.

asians, Asians, ASIANS

Let’s not beat around the sideways bush: we’ve got a serious weakness for the far-eastern car models over here at The Auto Junkyard. Let’s just say we’ll take an order of moo shu pork over some Swedish meatballs any day of the week. And, it’s kind of our personal mission to convert the uninitiated into the fold by showcasing the finest examples of Asian car models we can scrounge up. Neophytes, enjoy! Read more

Brutal Lamborghini Gallardo Crash and Burn

The specter of Eastern Bloc bureaucratic inefficiency nearly cost racer Giorgio Bartocci his life at the Lamborghini Blancpain Super Trofeo in Brno, Czech Republic. After losing control and slamming into the track wall, Bartocci’s Lamborghini Gallardo lights up like a chain smoker after an international flight. As you can see in the video, the safety crew working the track seems to be waiting for someone to file a 27B-6 form before they attempt to pull Bartocci out of his rapidly melting Lambo. Instead, Bartocci’s own crewmembers and co-driver step in to save their teammate while the Czech crew continues to dribble flame retardant on the track. Read more

Spectacular Car Crashes Caught on Tape

I know, I know. We spend a lot of time ogling leggy ladies on this site. Can you blame us? But the world isn’t just a playpen for airbrushed beauties—terrible things happen to amazing cars. Gut-wrenching things. Spine-tingling things. Readers, if you’re the type who shivered every time you passed by the box for Faces of Death at the video shop, then you don’t want to continue with this post. If you’re not too squeamish, then check out these heinous car crashes. Read more

Stick These Colored Tires in your Pipe and Smoke ‘em

Nothing beats a big, billowy burnout. Just thinking about the ripe reek of melting rubber makes my throttle foot itchy. But, you might think that smoking tires only pump out white clouds. Not so. Kumho makes a special set of colored tires that belch out a rainbow of colored smoke. You used to have to be as high as Sergeant Pepper to see colors like these. Check it:

The Fast and the Furious 5 Cometh…High-Five

Highway hooners, drift addicts, and fans of Vin Diesel’s method acting—rejoice! The fifquel to the high-octane blockbuster film franchise The Fast and the Furious has been given the green light to go into production. Both Variety magazine and Vin Diesel’s myFace page confirm that Universal is giving the movie the go ahead, dropping the proverbial doo-rag like a mini-skirted Filipina at a street drag race. Read more

Merry Xmas: It’s hotties washing jalopies

What’s better than a lump of coal in your stocking? Some shakey video of smoking hot ladies (maybe German) washing ridiculously crappy cars. Be sure to spark up a yule log before you watch this one.

This wooden supercar gives us wood

I once had a car, or should I say, she once had me…

She showed me her cockpit, isn’t it good, Japanese wood?

 

In the land of the rising sun, an intrepid furniture-building concern crafted a radical supercar with an all-wood frame. According to Japan Probe, the hand-crafted car maxes out at 80 kilometers-per-hour. But what it lacks in gusto, it certainly makes up for in originality. This fusion of engineering and cabinetry looks like a cross between the Pikes Peak Edition Escudo from Gran Turismo and an old-school ofuro. And it’ll only set you back around 2.83 million yen (calm down—that’s only around $32,000 American). That’s a small price to pay to feel like you’re driving around inside of a Haruki Murakami style alternate universe where Johnny Walker is making flutes out of cats’ souls.

 Check it out (and if you can translate it for us, we’d say arigatou gozaimasu):

Hottest Bikini Car Wash Photo EVER!!

Um, hun?  You missed a spot.

This is what happens when…

Don’t you wish this kinda thing happened in your life? Showering regularly and splashing on some Brut could get you pretty far in the 50′s, but that doesn’t cut it anymore.  In the third millennium, you’re going to have to do better; getting some fresh threads, a stylish haircut and reading Neil Strauss’s The Game is a great start.  But what if you don’t have enough time for those things… well, if you have a boat load of cash laying around, then consider this.

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Jay Leno Talks about his Corvette ZR1

Even though the man has a huge car collection, he made sure Chevrolet knew he wanted a ZR1.  But not just any ZR1, he wanted the first one to ever roll off the production line; serial 001.

I won’t spoil the rest of the video for you, but it seems like he really likes it.

What if Steve Jobs Ran Detroit’s Big Three?

Thomas Friedman, the Pulizer Prize winning author, wrote an opinion piece in his NY Times column about how Steve Jobs should be the person to take over Detroit.  Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, has revitalized the music industry, teamed up with media mogals and revolutionized the way we intereact with music, video and the internet.  So it makes sense that in a crippled industry that a man of such vision and innovation would be the ideal person to take hold of the reins in Detroit.  Or would he?  The Digg community thinks otherwise…

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Official: 2010 Porsche Panamera Wallpapers

Hot of the presses for your viewing pleasure, here’s a large set of official Porsche Panamera photos. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, the Panamera is the 4-door luxury saloon car that Porsche will be releasing in 2010. It’s basically a squashed down version of the Cayenne available with up to 500HP and big enough to carry around your whole family, so I’m sure these puppies will sell like hot cakes. If you can’t afford to buy one (who can these days!), enjoy these wallpapers free of charge.

SNL Spoofs Detroit

Detroit is in bad shape.  How is it that all three American auto manufacturers are in financial holes so deep that they all need a loan from the federal government just to pay their monthly bills?  Detroit does need help, there’s no doubt about that, but how did all three American auto manufacturers dig themselves in such a deep hole at the same time?

Here is some much needed comedy from Saturday Night Live to lighten up the issue a bit.

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