When Subaru WRXs Fly

I’m no fan of queuing up in parking lots, especially movie theater parking lots packed full of acne-bearded teens who just got out of watching the latest installment of the Twilight series. Idling behind so many Hyundai Elantras, I’ve often wished I had the ability to just leap over the whole lot of ‘em. Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s had that fantasy. Ken Block, rally driver extraordinaire, has also fantasized about launching long distances in his tricked out WRX. The difference, though, is that he actually did it. Check out this 171 ft jump: Read more

Girls and Cars That’ll Torque Your Panhard Rod

The only thing sexier than a half-naked beauty with two X chromosomes is that same succulent sweetheart standing near an equally eye-appealing automobile. It’s because of these two stimulants that man invented textbooks—we needed something to hide our boners. Read more

Which Are Hotter: Muscle Car Girls or Sport Tuner Hotties?

Hot cars and hot girls go together like horny teens and boner-blocking history textbooks. But, one question remains: are the honeys squatting on the hoods of hot rods and muscle cars hotter than the exotic beauties spreading eagle on the roofs of sport compacts? Take a look at the gallery below and cast your vote. Read more

Poor Girl Traumatized by a Ride with a Pro Drifter

Sitting on the sidelines and watching real race drivers white-knuckle it around the track might make the sport seem like it’s all fun and games. But, sitting down in the passenger seat of a proper racecar with a skilled driver as he drifts around a course can be downright traumatizing. It is for this girl, at least. Check it out:

The Fast and the Furious 5 Cometh…High-Five

Highway hooners, drift addicts, and fans of Vin Diesel’s method acting—rejoice! The fifquel to the high-octane blockbuster film franchise The Fast and the Furious has been given the green light to go into production. Both Variety magazine and Vin Diesel’s myFace page confirm that Universal is giving the movie the go ahead, dropping the proverbial doo-rag like a mini-skirted Filipina at a street drag race. Read more

Which Is Hotter: The Lambo or the Model?

If haven’t been keeping up with your telenovelas on Televisa, you may have missed this classic pre-owned car commercial for a gently used Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder.

Although I can’t decipher what the announcer is saying, I believe it roughly translates to:

Cowboys, how can you pass up such a deal? This ride doesn’t just have a big pair of eggs, it’s got 520 horsepower. Plus, the fiery orange paint is sure to complement your freshly sprayed-on tan, and the aerodynamics of the Spyder top are such that your toupee will not fly off into the wind, cowboys. Did I mention that paint has been freshly buffed by the ample curves of this chicka?

The Revenge Verde: 400hp, 100mpg, Kermit Colored

Detroit might be decaying faster than a hobo’s un-brushed molar, but the annual North American International Auto Show (NAIAS) always brings a few minty fresh new cars to the abscessed city. From the latest models to futuristic concept cars, auto manufacturers from around the globe use this show to show off the crème de la crème of their stable. Read more

Words of Wisdom from Dr. Ferdinand Porsche

When certain people talk, you should really listen up. The President of the United States (regardless of his or her party). Your mother. Rocky’s coach. In the automotive world, the voice to note is Dr. Ferdinand Porsche, the brains behind Germany’s finest auto manufacturer: Porsche. In this classic commercial, the Dr. waxes philosophic about man’s relation to time, human desires, and immortality. Oh, and there’s also some wicked clips of classic Porsches doing donuts. Check it out:

Where’s my chauffeur, ASIMO?

The aughties are as dead as the ShamWow! guy’s career, and we’re now 4 days deep into a new decade. Doesn’t it feel like something’s missing, though? Where’s all the space-age transportation technology that movies promised us? 2001 has come and gone, but I don’t have a HAL 9000 co-piloting my Mini. And, we’re only 5 years away from the deadline for the Mr. Fusion-powered time-travelling DeLoreans and hover boards from Back to the Future.

WTF, science? You haven’t even delivered on the bubbly Japanese concept cars from 3 years ago. In case you forgot, here’s what we’ve been waiting for:

Now get to work!

Drifting into 2010

In Tokyo, you can buy damn near anything from a vending machine, you can eat a power lunch of octopus kushiyaki from street vendors, and you can stay out drinking all night long with the Yakuza in Kabukichō. However, you can’t (legally) do what these crazy kids are doing in their souped up, accessory-laden Nissan Skylines and Honda Zests. Excuse the soundtrack, but don’t turn the volume down—there’s a creepy commentator hissing over the action from time to time.

Merry Xmas: It’s hotties washing jalopies

What’s better than a lump of coal in your stocking? Some shakey video of smoking hot ladies (maybe German) washing ridiculously crappy cars. Be sure to spark up a yule log before you watch this one.

Wha-wha-what?

It’s not too uncommon to run across cars in malls. Usually, they’re posh luxury rides being “raffled” off to people willing to fill out one of those little index cards (you’re going to get a call about a timeshare!). But these cars are always parked behind red velvet ropes. Never have I seen a car flipped and trapped on an escalator…until today, that is.

Image courtesy of FAILBlog.

This wooden supercar gives us wood

I once had a car, or should I say, she once had me…

She showed me her cockpit, isn’t it good, Japanese wood?

 

In the land of the rising sun, an intrepid furniture-building concern crafted a radical supercar with an all-wood frame. According to Japan Probe, the hand-crafted car maxes out at 80 kilometers-per-hour. But what it lacks in gusto, it certainly makes up for in originality. This fusion of engineering and cabinetry looks like a cross between the Pikes Peak Edition Escudo from Gran Turismo and an old-school ofuro. And it’ll only set you back around 2.83 million yen (calm down—that’s only around $32,000 American). That’s a small price to pay to feel like you’re driving around inside of a Haruki Murakami style alternate universe where Johnny Walker is making flutes out of cats’ souls.

 Check it out (and if you can translate it for us, we’d say arigatou gozaimasu):

I wish I were a Mustang

I won’t lie: You’ll probably want to turn down the audio on this clip because it can interfere with the southward blood flow that comes from the visuals. You’ve been warned.

Kitten Mittons (sic): The pet accessory equivalent to the Tornado

The auto industry is loaded to the gills with accessory gewgaws and bobbles all purporting to do something spectacular for your performance, safety or style (which is just shorthand for the ability to lure women into your ride unpaid). The one thing all these chrome-plated, mandrel-bent, ABS-extruded trinkets have in common: They’re sure to disappoint.

But what about other industries? Are absurd products only found in the back aisles of Kragens and Pep Boys? If Charley from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia had his way, your local pet store (or at least Paddy’s Pub) would also be a hotbed of useless products. Check out his Billy May’s inspired pitch for Kitten Mittons:

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