SEMA Skin: The Valentine’s Day Edition

It’s February 14, and the tips of Cupid’s arrows are glistening with droplets of love sauce. Unfortunately, his quiver doesn’t have enough missiles d’amour to go around. If you find yourself dining alone on a tear-soaked Salisbury steak Hungry Man, enjoy these exotic girls as your dessert. Unlike that snooty receptionist, Malory, these ladies of SEMA won’t spit out their yogurt in disgust when you ask if she’d like to go out for poutine. Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Not Hot Girls (V.8)

Wow. Last week was pretty lame, eh? I mean, Monty Python and mixed martial arts references. We really know how to put the “No!” in “Non sequitur” here at The Auto Junkyard. Luckily, we also know how to put the “Rite” in “Contrite,” so we’re getting back into our usual ceremony of pairing hot booth babes from the 2010 SEMA show with the automobiles they were paid to feign interest in. So mote it be.

Scion oCtopus xD

The inspiration for this vicious paintjob came from the forearm tattoos of every failed hipster keyboardist living in Silverlake.

Silver Shell oCtopussies

Don’t lean in too close, homie. Their hair is actually tentacles that’ll grab you by the jugular and pull you into their ferocious beaks—no ponzu sauce needed!

Scrumptious picture of Japanese food by VirtualErn from Japanese restaurant Sushi and Sake at Drunken Fish, Miyozen, and Koryo Japanese Dining in Emeryville, California (Flickr: Miyozen – Dinner) [CC-BY-2.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons.

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Not Hot Girls (V.7)

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition (My apologies. I lost a bet to an IT kid who’s monomaniacal for Monty Python (go figure, right) and had to drop a reference.), and no one expects TheAutoJunkyard to switch things up and show pictures of not hot cars and girls. But, today’s the day when we break format (also the result of a lost bet (damn you, Washington Generals)). So, here it is: Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Hot Girls (V.6)

Ever notice how pets and their owners tend to look alike? It’s great if you’ve got a Weimaraner. Not so great if it’s a sphynx. The same can happen to automobiles and people, too. Case in point: today’s pairing of cars and cooze. Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Hot Girls (V.5)

Here’s a question for the group: Will you ever get tired of looking at hotrods and hot broads? Put your answer in the comments section below, and if your answer is “no,” include your home address. I’ll swing by after work and put you out of your misery with a crankshaft blow to your cranium because you’re a waste of man-space. For those who answer “yes,” here’s a fresh pairing of drool-inducing automobiles and hood rats. Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Hot Girls (V.4)

You didn’t think we forgot about you, did you? Sweet, sweet readers, we’d never think of depriving you of your weekly car + cooze fix. In fact, it’s ready right now. So just kick back, pour yourself some Crown, dim your overheads, light your Yankee Candles and sink into some pure blog bliss. Mmmmm. You feeling it? That gingerbread-scented candle working its magic? Oh yeaaah. Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Hot Girls (V.3)

You’ve been wearing a ring in your carpet, pacing impatiently and waiting for your weekly fix of hot cars and hot birds here at The Auto Junkyard. Well, son. The wait’s over. This methadone clinic is open for business, and we’ve got a doozy of a dixie cup’s worth of satisfying images to keep the monkey off your back a little bit longer. Read more

SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Hot Girls (V.2)

The groggy haze of the air-conditioned nightmare that was SEMA 2010 is starting to lift. Just in time, too, because my bosses are getting a little sick and tired of granting time off to nurse my weeks-long hangover. (Guess I should have drunk a 12-hour energy drink like by cohorts recommended instead of that last 12-pack of brew.)

But I digress. You don’t care about the wrathful beer squirts I’ve been bombing the office bathroom with. You want to see some cars and cooze. Without further adieu, behold! This week’s pairing of an auto and an autoerotic inspiration:

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SEMA 2010: Hot Cars Paired with Hot Girls (V.1)

Sheesh. Apparently last week was SEMA, and apparently I was there for the show. However, my memory of the festivities is a tad foggy. I’m blaming it on too much vodka and Nathan’s hot dogs. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to snap off a lot of halfway decent pictures of the trick cars and trick tail milling around the show. Over the next few months, I’ll be pairing up the crème de la crème of my photographic finds: one hot car and one hot girl. Here’s your first taste: Read more

asians, Asians, ASIANS

Let’s not beat around the sideways bush: we’ve got a serious weakness for the far-eastern car models over here at The Auto Junkyard. Let’s just say we’ll take an order of moo shu pork over some Swedish meatballs any day of the week. And, it’s kind of our personal mission to convert the uninitiated into the fold by showcasing the finest examples of Asian car models we can scrounge up. Neophytes, enjoy! Read more

An Ode To Hood Murals

Halloween is right around the corner. It’s the perfect holiday for letting your hair down, dressing up in something saucy, and strutting your stuff around the local watering holes. Who doesn’t like a good costume? Cars sure do, though there aren’t too many naughty nurse outfits out there that would fit a ’78 Buick.

For cars, the only equivalent to a costume is a proper hood mural. Nothing makes a statement like an airbrushed dragon, Aztec god or hoochies riding front and center on your street machine. But, these rolling pieces of art are growing rarer and rarer. Before they disappear entirely, let’s take a look back and pay homage to some classics. Read more

Halloween Hotties

I don’t know about you, but the thing I always loved about Halloween as a kid was seeing my friend’s hot mom drunk and spilling out of her naughty nurse costume. Those early encounters with the succubus side of the holiday left an indelible mark on my psyche.

My shrink says I need to exorcise these demons, so I’ve been looking through Google images of scantily-clad ghouls all day long to try and desensitize myself. But I just grew increasingly sensitized, especially by these five shots.

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Thule Base Racks Demystified: Part 2

When last we left off, we were discussing the different roof rack options available for vehicles with nude roofs. But, lots of automobiles come from the factory with a little more modesty (dressed roofs). Although not quite as fun at a bachelor party, these non-birthday-suited rides are a lot easier to outfit with roof racks than their au naturel counterparts. Here’s the skinny on these un-skinny-dipping autos.

Roofs with Integrated Tracks

Track marks on your train conductor’s arms means you should skip the trip. However, tracks on your ride’s roof is a sign that installing a full-blown roof rack will be a breeze. Check out these options:

Tracker II Foot Pack: Thule’s ingenious Tracker II (Thule 430) Foot Pack is engineered to fit right into your roof’s tracks. Unlike racks for nude roofs, the Tracker II doesn’t need a vehicle-specific fit kit to fiddle around with. They’re designed with a low profile to reduce wind drag, boast a push-button quick-release mechanism, and are constructed from a blend of die-cast metal and durable resin. You can also go with the old-school Tracker Kit 1 (Thule TK1) if you prefer the whole vintage thing.

Roofs with Factory Side Rails

Side rails are to tracks what outtie bellybuttons are to innies. These raised side rails provide the perfect foundation for stringing a set of crossbars across the top of your ride. Here’s how:

Thule Crossroad Foot Pack: Bone Thugs ‘n Harmony will see you at the crossroads so you won’t be lonely, but the Thule Crossroad will let you rack up and bring along some bikes so you’re not all bored while you wait. These deluxe feet have a built-in tool for simple installation, lash in place with a paint-safe rubber strap, and work with Thule square load bars.

The Extras

Now that your roof is ready for hauling, it’s time to consider what kinds of add-ons will finish off the package.

Wind Fairings: The one downside to installing a roof rack is that it messes up your auto’s aerodynamics. Driving around with just the rack will not only lead to a dip in your MPGs, but it’ll also create a whistling sound. The best way to alleviate both issues is with a wind fairing. These curved shields ride right in front of your rack to redirect air up and over your rack instead of blasting right into it. They come in a range of sizes to work with varying roof sizes: 32″ long (Thule 870XT), 38″ long (Thule 871XT) and 44″ long (Thule 872XT).

Wheel Steps: Unless you’re as tall as the late, great Manute Bol, reaching your roof can be a strain. Luckily, Thule developed an ingenious wheel step (Thule 232). Just hook it around your tire, step up and take care of business.

What Makes You Roar?

What gets your engine revving more: one of these American-made Flowmaster mufflers:

or one of these hot American-made models?

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Thule Base Racks Demystified: Part 1

So, that kayak has been sitting in the corner of your apartment long enough to develop a quarter-inch patina of dust, and the only mountain your bicycle has seen is the mountainous stack of Bicycling magazines next to your armchair.

You’ve been putting it off and putting it off, but the time has come to act: you need a roof rack to get your gear down to the lake and off to the trailhead. Admitting that your vehicle has a cargo-carrying problem is the easy part, though. Figuring out what you need to overcome the shortcomings is trickier. To help demystify picking out the right roof rack for your ride, here’s a brief explanation of the differences between the Thule roof rack systems.

Thule Base Rack: The Foundation

The words “roof rack” have a lot of different definitions. Some people call their actual cargo carriers “roof racks,” and others say that the crossbars or side rails are “roof racks.” For the sake of clarity, we’re going to chuck the term “roof rack” out the window and use a more descriptive phrase instead: base racks.

So, what exactly is a base rack? That’s easy enough: a base rack is the foundation upon which all carriers mount. In other words, it’s the crossbars that span the width of your roof and the hardware that holds the crossbars in place, called “feet”.

Crossbars are pretty universal, so you just have to pick the right length for your auto (longer crossbars for Expeditions, shorter crossbars for Mini Coopers). Picking the right feet, though, is where the brain work comes in because there are different feet for different roof types. The one thing that all the feet have in common is that they all work with Thule’s One-Key Lock Cylinders, which come in packs of two (Thule 512), four (Thule 544), eight (Thule 588) or ten (Thule 510).

Before running through the different roof types and the feet that love them, here’s a quick word about crossbars. Thule makes two different types of crossbars: the oval-shaped Rapid Load Bars and the square-shaped Square Load Bars. Rapid Load Bars are the premium option, boasting a sleeker look, improved aerodynamics, and T-slots for easy mounting of select Thule carriers. Square Load Bars are the classic choice, and they cost less. You’ll need to decide which style of crossbar you want before you pick feet because feet designed to hold Square Load Bars, like Thule LB65 65″ bars, won’t work with Rapid Load Bars, and vice versa.

Bare-naked Roofs

If you’re roof is as bald as Yule Brenner, Thule still has lots of options available.

Rapid Load Bar Feet: The Rapid Traverse (Thule 480R) is the latest and greatest option, promising a stronger hold, safer fit and an easy installation. If you’re looking for a more low-profile look and your vehicle has fixed-point rack attachment location or flush mount side rails, go with the Rapid Podium (Thule 460R). And, if your roof is totally bare and you don’t have rain gutters on the side, the Rapid Aero (Thule 400XTR) is the choice for you.

Square Bar Feet: The latest and greatest square bar foot system for nude roofs is the Traverse Foot Pack (Thule 480). Like the Rapid Traverse, this system delivers a tighter fit than other feet and is easier to install. For a low-profile fit on vehicles with fixed-point rack attachment locations or flush mount side rails, pick up the Podium Foot Pack (Thule 460). Or, if your roof is completely bare and you don’t have rain gutters, the Aero Foot Pack (Thule 400XT) is the way to go.

Keep an eye out for Part 2 of this guide to learn about base rack systems for other roof types.

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